I hate being sick, I really do. This head pain in my shoulders, neck and base of the skull is both worrying and a pain in the butt. Whatever is going on, I don't like it. I feel sick, nauseous, numb in my hands, tingly in my face. I'm shivering because I feel super cold. I hope we get the results of the MRI soon and get some ANSWERS. I really can't stand being laid up on the couch while life is passing me by.
Self wallowing is not my thing. But complaining is.
To know that I'm on meds to make my day semi-functional, man that is sucky. And you know when something doesn't feel right inside, well, I've been like that for over a month now.
To be on the computer, that tells you I'm feeling somewhat good at the moment.
Later, my neck may be killing me with tension and I'm going to have to camp on the couch. Suck'ville.
And today is one of those crisp fall days that brings memories flooding back to me from this time. Having those great driving trips my family would do, riding in the suburbs or heading over the border to visit Wisconsin (which really is a lot like New England, in retrospect). Picking pumpkins or apples after taking a lovely breakfast at a roadside coffee shop (oh, it is so lovely!). Playing WoW as the seasons change somehow makes the game even better, I don't know why. And lastly, the time I packed up all my belonging in the Uhaul truck with boyfriend soon to be hubby from Chicago to drive cross county to my new home.
I don't want to be sick and look back and go, "Yeah, that was the time I had a tumor in my spine..." or whatever. I just want to go back to functional. Does that mean I have to live my life according to a prescription bottle? I'd rather not, but if I have to, so be it.
I want to live a good, healthy life with my husband, son and family. Yes, that includes having the cat in there too. The only good out of being sick has been this: it has completely upped my appreciation, love and gratitude towards those I love. I always felt blessed but having to depend on someone makes it even more so. That's why I've had a new found awakening towards people and being more sensitive to people's pains. We all need to take care of each other. We are one Tribe.
When I really feel crappy, I lay on the "I love you" 's a lot. I've always said the L word freely and meant it, so it's not that big of a step to articulate it more.
And a side note: I really wish my folks lived closer. I miss them terribly and all the craziness they wove around themselves as their own brand of 'normal'. I know they miss me and to have a Grandson they can't physically see, they need to get their butts out here. Pronto.
It's amazing what an illiness can do to a person. If this God's way of making me get it, I get it. I really do. Can we move on now? lol, like move on in a good kind of way?
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